Ever had one of those days? Weeks? Months?!!!??? I always try to be uplifiting, humorous, and informative on my blog, but today I think I will just be real. I hope that my 5 regular readers will indulge me.
I cannot say if this blue-like feeling came because my Mom left a few weeks ago and I know I will not see her for at least another year or maybe 2 years. I suspect that plays a big part in it. Maybe it is the uncertainty we are now facing in our job. So much has changed with our mission recently and we are not quite sure where we will fit in in 2 years when we can't really even figure out what we are supposed to be doing now here in Quito. It's funny how when you are in language school you just keep thinking "When I get out of school then I will really be able to do something!", but right now I feel like I really accomplished more when I was in school and part of the weekly Bible study at House of Restoration.
I suppose another possibility is that culture shock has set in. I remember last year around the start of November we were in the heaviest part of the rainy season and I recall standing in the tiny kitchen looking out at the back porch (by that time a small swamp) and saying to God, "What am I doing here? Why do I feel so much like I made a mistake?" I just started crying and let it all out knowing that I couldn't keep it in any more.
Now, 1 year later, I have that same feeling. "What am I doing here? Why do I feel so much like I made a mistake?" I know God has a plan for us and a purpose, but for so long we had believed it would be in another city. Please do not get me wrong; we love Quito. For Ken and I it is very difficult because our jobs have always somewhat defined us. Ken was a recruiter for engineers. I was an anesthetist. Our roles and job functions were clearly laid out. When we went to work we knew exactly what we needed to do and we did it. The lines are so much more blurry when you are a missionary. You do not go to work because you are your work 24/7.
6 comments:
Hang in there girl!! We will be praying for your family!!
I loved your photo! I felt just like that yesterday, and still do a little today. Today I promised to make sugar cookies with my two youngest, so that sort of cheered me up some.
Fog days are just part of the weather forecast, as much as we don't like them. And rain doesn't help, either.
The sun will shine again, I'm sure. In the meantime, curl up and read and eat cookies. I'd send you some sugar cookies if any ever make it as far as the oven!
And thanks for not always appearing sunny and witty on your blog! I am NOT always sunny and witty and feel bad if other people appear to be. :)
Sending prayers your way.
My heart breaks to hear you are in the midst of a fog, blindly following and being obedient to the call. You call it a fog most people would call it admirable and amazing. What a change you have made for th ecause of Christ. I pray that you will find His tender mercies and soft sweet voice of guidance this Christmas Season. BTW, I need your new address please. I love you bunches! Amanda
Nevermind, found the address.
Praying for you. If misery loves company, maybe it will help to know that Gary and I often feel that way, too. I pray that the year will be full of spiritual blessings for you all, and that God will begin to reveal the reason He has put your family in Quito.
Post a Comment